From Mommy to Manhood

“J” had an opportunity to go to camp with our church this summer.  I would guess that most mothers are apprehensive about letting their 12 year old son go away for a week without family.  I must admit although he has a pretty good head on his shoulders, the thought had crossed my mind… “but what if…”

There are mothers that go through withdraw, and struggle with allowing their children to go somewhere for a period of time without them.  Many reasons come to mind, but I would say the two top reasons might be: “I don’t want him to go away because I will miss him” or “something might come up that he has never faced or experienced before. Will he make the right choices?  I can’t protect him!”

Knowing when to start weaning your son is a careful balance (reminds of driving a car with a clutch); you have to know just when to shift gears (provide the right amount of information and reinforcement) and when to apply more gas (allow him to explore, grow, and move forward). I’m sure all mothers raising boys can attest, that they have no fear or they think they are invincible! I truly believe it’s their nature! Boys are taught to think that way from childhood on up!  The movies and television teach the males to be the hero; to stand up and “protect” the girl or home! Heck, even young Simba in “The Lion King” learned at a young age his role as “the male” is to protect and not to walk in fear. 

So, I pose these questions:   How do you help reinforce the natural strength, courage, and a sense of adventure in your son, without imposing your own personal fears?   How do you raise a child that is too afraid to live out or explore his dreams in fear of something happening?

Here are a few suggestions:

• Trust in the wisdom and values you have instilled in your son
• Drill him before he goes out; “you know the routine…what do you do if…!”
• Make sure you are only a phone call away (make sure he has a way to reach you if needed)
•  Know your child! If they are not mature enough to be placed in that situation alone…trust your gut, don’t do it; you will do more harm than good!

I’d love to hear your feedback! Let me know your thoughts, concerns, or ideas…you just may help someone else!

Yvette

Co-Founder, From Mommy to Manhood

I took my 12 year old son “J” to the movies the other night to see “Karate Kid”.  Honestly I was a big fan of the original Karate Kid and was excited (and I must admit curious) to see what great knowledge “Mr. Miyagi” was going to lay down on young Daniel. 

Now for those who were around in the 80’s you can understand where I’m coming from!  I thought Mr. Miyagi was the man! He was full of wisdom and compassion.   When I think about a young boy who doesn’t have a male in the home, or even a male role model, my heart goes out to our up and coming generation. If we as women don’t have a male role model in the home, why can’t we position our boys around a positive figure who will talk to them on a level we as mothers can not? No matter how hard we try to connect, let’s face it ladies…it’s hard to truly get to their level, and relate to all that they are experiencing and going through. We attempt to wear every hat…truth be known…sometimes they don’t all fit…or even look right!

 As mothers, we can get our sons involved in church, sports, academic  programs at school and in the community, or let him hang out with a favorite older relative or good “trusted” family friend. You’d be amazed at what a difference the right male influence can have on his life.  When I watched Tre in the movie “Karate Kid”, as much as his mother tried to connect with him and understand what he was going through, he carried that typical male trait of “I can handle this, and I don’t need my Mom to solve my problems”.  But with the right guidance, Tre was able to overcome his challenges to learn respect, integrity, commitment, and to impart wisdom to have peace of mind.

I’ve come to realize that although I can’ t give “J” everything he needs to grow into a strong, successful, well balanced young man,  I can ensure that he is surrounded with guidance, love, and positive influences!  After all, we as women have a big assignment! We are laying down the foundation for generations to come, starting right under our own roof!

What are some of your thoughts, ideas, or suggestions you have for parents that may be struggling in this area? Feel free to share…you just might help someone else…

Yvette

Co-Founder, From Mommy to Manhood